A friend of mine sent me an e-mail a few months ago about a post on Craigslist. Apparently, it was from a desperately seeking, beautiful 25-year-old girl who wanted to know where the good (read: rich, marryable) men are. She wondered why she hasn’t snagged any worth catching. An investment banker, someone who fits into her category, was gentleman enough to help her out. His reply, if this post is, indeed, true, made me smile silently.
I qualify as a guy who fit your bill—I make more than $500K per year. Here’s how I see it. Your offer is a plain and simple crappy business deal. What you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party, I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my money will continue into perpetuity—in fact, it is very likely that my income will increase, but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful! So, in economic terms, you are a depreciating asset. In Wall Street terms, we’d call you a trading position—not a buy and hold. It doesn’t make good business sense to ‘buy you’ (which is what you’re asking)—so I’d rather lease. The deal that makes sense for me is dating, not marriage.
When I was still single (forgive me for making a general and biased conclusion), I concluded that men are dumb. I saw how they can go ga-ga over one stunning girl with curves in the right places when they were practically surrounded with awesome female friends with great personalitites, albeit more on the plain-looking side. And although a stunner may, well, be a visual delight, we women have this sixth sense to know that there’s just nothing beneath that pretty surface. So hooray for you, Mr. Investment Banker, for using your head and common sense.
I’ve made a list below for single men out there who can still get blinded by fatal attraction and miss the real deal. I know my husband can come up with a better list, or perhaps an alternative list for single women : )
- What is beautiful is invisible to the eye. Stop looking for eye candy. Sure, it’s important that you find someone from the opposite sex attractive (hubby claims he had a crush on me first, haha), or else it won’t work. But just don’t make it your heaviest criteria. Think how she would look like without any goo on her face, or without her designer outfit. Would you still find her pretty?
- Know what you want. Are you just dating and in need of a “trophy” date? Or are you ready to take the plunge and get serious? if you’re ready for the latter, then choose well. So crazy to get serious with a bombshell who adores having a lot of men worshipping the path she walks. You may not be competing with these men, but you may be competing with something that’s harder to beat, her ego. Yes, some women can have egos as big as men’s (again, no offense).
- Look for the rarer qualities that ladies nowadays seem to forget. Can you actually talk to her about anything else other than make-up, fashion, shopping, shoes, and bags? Does she actually talk about other stuff? Or better yet, can you engage her in conversation that has something to do with your interests for a change, like sports?
- Check out her personality. Think of the kids you dream of having. Would you want her to be the mother of your children? Can she get down and dirty, have fun, not sweat the small stuff? Does she have a sense of humor? Or, can you make her laugh? It’s important that you can make her laugh because when a female gets stressed out, she needs all the laughter medicine she can get to perk up her day.
- Know what she values in life. Does she love her family? Does she appreciate those sweet gestures of you fixing the flat tire or taking a dayoff just to be with her? Is she kind to all, even to the kid who accidentally steps on her newly pedicured feet? Does she like you even without your possessions?
- Know the true and lasting virtues. What virtues would you like for your girl? Patience? Understanding? Kindness? All of the above?
- Does she have a God? Sometimes we underestimate the importance of spirituality. A woman who knows how to pray and acknowledge what blessings come her way, is a woman worth living with.
After all the scrutiny, look at yourself. Once you know what you’re looking for in a woman, look hard at yourself and check if you are what they’re looking for in a man. At the end of the day, it’s you who might be the depreciating asset after all. Peace!