Finally, after long months of hoping for another baby, we are pregnant again! We’ve been wanting to get pregnant when PHX turned 3. Unfortunately, I wasn’t very cooperative in monitoring my fertility cycle that we ended up just trying and trying without hitting the target. I also went through moments, albeit fleeting, of disappointment and frustration every time I would miss a day or two of my period, only to see it greeting me month after month. My husband was there to knock some sense into me and make me realize that there’s Someone else in control of things and it would be crazy for me to expect that everything I wished for will be given to me according to my terms. He was right. I was acting like a brat and thought that conceiving would be something we could take charge of. I was wrong. God had other plans for us and His timing was always right. God first made me surrender everything to Him. I never really did. He asked me to relax, let go, and let God. Honestly, although I wanted a child, I never really bothered to ask Him for one. I just kinda assumed He knew. And I just expected.
So I started asking and praying silently, even including it in my birthday wishes this August. My prayer was for another child, but if it is His will that two children are enough for us, then His will be done.
I expected my monthly period to arrive last week. I was a few days delayed but I didn’t get my hopes up, although hubby was already keeping his fingers crossed and would ask me everyday if I already got my period. Last Sunday, at The Feast in PICC, the topic was about surrender. He says we can never really be out of control because the moment we aren’t in control, God remains in control. It made perfect sense. Bro. Bo talked about the miracles waiting to unfold in our lives, and how, before a miracle becomes visible, it starts with being invisible. He talks about how, during the times we question and cry and doubt, God is already cooking up something exciting for us. We just don’t see it yet, but it’s already there. He then compares a visible miracle to a baby, one that you can hold and cuddle and see, and tells how it started as a fetus in a pregnant mother’s womb, still invisible from our eyes. The words “baby,” “fetus,” and “pregnant” gave me goosebumps. He goes on to say that we are “pregnant with God’s miracle.” I started getting emotional as I heard God speak to me. My thoughts were racing. Could it be that I was, indeed, pregnant? Was this the sign I was waiting for? I wanted to believe it was.
The next day, hubby and I gathered enough courage to take the pregnancy test. And there it was…two strips on the pregnancy test! I was positively pregnant! My period wasn’t just delayed! We were crying tears of joy! Then, after we composed ourselves, we called on Zoe and PHX to share the wonderful news. Zoe was ecstatic and PHX was also pleased. I know PHX doesn’t quite comprehend it yet, because he thought the baby was gonna come out already that evening, but I saw he was excited, too. I can’t wait to see him as a kuya!
God never fails to amaze me with his miracles! During the times I doubted and cried out in despair, he was planning this surprise all along. Always, always, in His perfectly sweet time.
I woke up a little past 6 am to my little boy’s hot temperature. He was feverish. Although I didn’t take his temp, I got a washcloth, moistened it with tap water, and wiped his neck, armpits, and forehead. I hoped the washcloth would be enough to lower his fever. Last night, the thermometer registered his temp at 36.5 deg Celsius, although I doubted it and kept the digital thermometer a few minutes longer until it showed his temp at 38. PHX did not at all show any signs of nursing a fever or whatever viral infection. He was his usual energetic self and I took that as a cue. We have been conservative in giving meds and avoided the usual paracetamol for fever as we believed in allowing one’s body to fight the illness.
I lay down beside PHX hoping to get a few more hours of sleep with my kids before we start the day. Just a few minutes later, I heard PHX grunt a little loud. I had the instinct to get up and look at him, then I saw his eyes roll upward. Followed by involuntary shaking and jerking. I knew this was something different and there was something wrong. His breathing became shallowed as if he was gasping for breath. I was touching his face and calling his name. I thought I would lose him. After 10 seconds or so, he just went back to sleep as if nothing happened. Those were the longest 10 seconds of my life! My daughter, Zoe, woke up and knew something was wrong. She was asking what was wrong with PHX and I couldn’t give her an answer. I felt so helpless. Dazed, too. Hubby was already at work when this happened, which left me alone with the kids.
In the flurry of things, I tried calling PHX’s pedia. Phone was ringing but she wasn’t answering. I also tried calling hubby but knew he was already airborne at that time. I gave Zoe quick instructions to change clothes and brush teeth, did the same, then we headed for Asian Hospital’s ER. My mind was racing on our way to the hospital. I was pleading to God to help my son. To keep him safe and to just please cover him with His Most Precious Blood.
PHX woke up on the way to the ER and was even cranky because the seatbelt was bothering him. He even told me to slow down in my driving. Took that as God’s sign that he’ll be alright. I am normally a slow driver.
We seemed to be the first patient in the ER that morning. They took PHX’s temperature, which registered at 38 deg Celsius. We were led to one of the beds as the nurses kept an eye on him in case he might get into a seizure again. The physician on duty informed us that what happened may have been a Benign Febrile Seizure, which children usually outgrow, and is considered harmless. Of course, we still had to be admitted and observed. PHX’s pedia wanted to make sure there was nothing more to the seizure so she requested for a CT scan. An EEG will follow.
PHX did not have any fever during our whole stay in the hospital. We did notice that he was less energetic and slept a whole lot more than usual. On the second day of confinement, he got his energy back and was his usual talkative self.
The CT scan results were normal. Thank God! After 3 days, we were ready to go home.
PHX does not have any memory of what happened to him last Friday. He has no idea how my heart broke to tiny pieces as I was witness to the seizure . How I thought he would just stop breathing. How the life we have isn’t ours. How we all are living on borrowed time and how our sons and our daughters and our husbands may be with us today and gone tomorrow. Morbid, I know, but this hit me hard. Really, really hard.
Our Friday scare also opened my eyes to God’s overflowing love. It was He Who woke me up from my deep slumber that morning, earlier than my usual waking hour, to hear my son and be there when he needed me. He kept me calm and did not allow me to panic.
God also whispered to my husband to replace and install our other (blue) car’s dead battery the night before so I had the gray car for use on that fateful day. Hubby planned to use the gray car and leave the blue car without replacing the battery, since we didn’t have any planned errands for that day. Praise God for His whispers! God made His presence felt by sending prayer warriors…relatives and friends who prayed for PHX. Oh, how the prayers made wonders! PHX’s fever never came back and there wasn’t any repeat seizure!
PHX’s seizure will remain etched in my memory and I will always look back on that Friday with fear. It was traumatic, to say the least. I hope and pray nothing like this will happen again.